My dear,
By the time you read this, I will have left Hangzhou by boat. I shall travel far, and I will not return. A man from Jiangning recently offered me a life of comfort and security. I spent days thinking it over and nights unable to sleep. Yesterday, I finally made my decision. I am leaving for my sake, and for yours.
You have always been so sincere. Every day, you found some excuse to visit, just to see me. The harder you tried to hide your feelings, the more obvious they became. That was why I teased you that day, asking whether you couldn't find some less embarrassing way to do this. It was raining, water pouring from the eaves. You stood on the steps for a long time without a word. The next day, you came back as usual.
But I have trapped myself in lies. Everything you see, right down to my fine clothes, is part of the deception. I am not the daughter of a noble family. I am not some unworldly soul devoted to art and orchids. Even the union knots are the old woman's work, not mine. And my claim that I receive only kindred spirits and turn away ordinary visitors? Another lie. Without these stories, how could I have made a name for myself in Hangzhou? How could I have met the sons of wealthy families and hoped to escape the life I was born into?
I do not deserve your devotion. You are kind and gifted. Apply yourself to your studies, pass the examinations, and make something of yourself. Do not throw away your future for me.
(The middle of the letter is scorched and marked with dark red stains. Parts are unreadable.)
...Please, do not think of me...
(The middle of the letter is scorched and marked with dark red stains. Parts are unreadable.)
My dear Liu... more than anything, I hope you...
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